Tag Archives: Classic Rejection

Dear Mr Dickens,

First off, for heaven’s sake find the “word count” function on your computer. Not only are your chapters of utterly uneven length, but also your sentences. They are far too convoluted and compound and they make our heads ache. Carry … Continue reading

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Dear Mr Golding,

Thank you for submitting your manuscript “Lord of the Flies.” I am afraid we feel there is simply not enough content of interest to modern teenagers. Perhaps if there were the inclusion of girls on the island and a romantic … Continue reading

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Dear Mr Orwell,

I apologise for the delay in responding to “Animal Farm.” It seems the Literary division saw the talking animals and passed it to the Children’s section, who noted the adult themes and dropped it down to Fantasy; they in turn … Continue reading

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Dear Mr Shakespeare,

Thank you for your most recent submission. At least it is of a workable length this time and does not involve endorsement of paedophilia, anti-semitism or wife abuse. We do think that one you did with all the mutilations (Titus … Continue reading

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Dear Homer (Mr Homer? Is it a forename or aftername?)

We cannot help but question your motives in submitting this Iliad… novel. It reads like one of  an epic series of books planned by a teenage boy with too much time on his hands. You begin in the middle of the … Continue reading

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Dear Mr Phillip K Dick

(We have used your forenames as the rest of the letter is insulting enough), Thank you for sending us your short stories “Minority Report” etc. It does not matter if they are under consideration for awards or film options; we … Continue reading

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