Book Submission vs. Online Dating


Both involve putting a piece of your soul out there in the hopes of finding someone who appreciates it, and can take a lot of courage to do.

Both (in my case) involve a large amount of rejection or deafening silence, which amounts to the same thing.

An agent used the relationship analogy herself: she said that an agent has to be right for the work and the author they represent, and that if they are not, this should not be taken as disparaging the book/person themselves. Sage advice that I should repeat to myself 5 times every morning, on both subjects.

You should always try personalise your approach message as to why you are like this one in particular, and avoid any hint of desperation. They probably know you are querying others, but it’s bad manners to mention that.

Some profiles are actually fakes, intending to get money off you one way or another. Especially bad with dating sites, including copies and messages sent by staff. I wish I had found that out sooner, would have saved unnecessary grief.

Mis-representing yourself to get attention will backfire on you later.

There are an awful lot of websites offering advice on how to find success in both areas

After a while without interest you may decide to, ahem… publish yourself. This does not necessarily preclude conventional success later on.

You can become so focused on finding an agent/romantic partner that you do not realise that everything might not immediately turn into a fairy tale, and in fact the truly hard work might just be starting. Some preparation can be good for this.

The best thing is to enjoy writing/being yourself for its own sake, independently of whether your brilliance is recognised by the world at large.

Some things, like having long hair or writing science fiction, can immediately narrow the potential field enormously. Indications of whether long hair/sf is acceptable can save a lot of time.



I have occasionally decided not to take things further because I was not meshing with a girl. That has yet to happen with an agent.

You have to pay money to use a dating site; no good agent will charge up front. Most take electronic submissions that are effectively free.

You can check whether an agency is reputable or has black marks against them on www pred-ed com. I am actually rather glad there isn’t an equivalent for dating profiles.

If I hit fifty rejections for one book, then I may give up and simply concentrate on the next. I do not have the option of rebuilding myself from scratch though, so I’d better not count…

People don’t tell you to “relax, and you’ll bump into the right agent by accident!” They tell you to be pro-active.

There aren’t groups you can join where friends and teachers help you look for love. That I know of.

If an agent has a lot of partnerships at the same time, it’s good.

There isn’t a huge numbers imbalance between singletons

Facebook has yet to bombard me with ads promising that Russian agents are dying to represent me


Not that I have considered myself fit for romance in a while, but I remember…



About jamestucker1972

Aspiring writer!
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2 Responses to Book Submission vs. Online Dating

  1. Caroline says:

    Well I recognise your brilliance, even if I can’t help you on either of the other fronts.

    Don’t know about groups helping you to find love, but most women’s magazines are full of advice on the stuff. Maybe men’s magazines are the same? If not, you could always try reading women’s magazines & reverse engineering the advice to see if it works for men….

  2. Oddly, wearing a dress with a short skirt seemed to work fairly well at Whitby once, shame I was too drunk to capitalise on it!

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