Black Day

It’s warm and the sun is shining, but I’m not happy.  I heave realised that it is now 5 years ago that I quit my last job because of stress and bullying, and have not worked since.  I split up with my girlfriend soon after.  In that time I have turned 40 and a lot of my remaining hair has turned grey.

I try to be positive, but it is hard sometimes.  It could be a lot worse, I know.  It is for some of my friends.

Depression is a state of defeat, apparently.  Aptly so, for me.  I have been out there, taking exercise, doing a job, trying to socialise, what everyone seems to say you should… I was still miserable a lot of the time, and it all went horribly wrong.  At least I am comfortable most of the time here, but sometimes it feels empty.  Then I look at the unopened post piling up or the mess of the fridge, and I wonder if it is worth even trying to live.


About jamestucker1972

Aspiring writer!
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4 Responses to Black Day

  1. Akriti says:

    It’ll be ok 🙂

  2. Lady Nicotine says:

    We’ll I’d miss you if you weren’t here. And so would Djuna (which fact may carry more weight!).

  3. Lady Nicotine says:

    And another thought – given you don’t like the heat, is it not possible that the very facts that it’s warm & the sun is shining are actually contributing to your low mood?

  4. Thanks guys. Not feeling suicidal as such, just down.

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