It’s warm and the sun is shining, but I’m not happy. I heave realised that it is now 5 years ago that I quit my last job because of stress and bullying, and have not worked since. I split up with my girlfriend soon after. In that time I have turned 40 and a lot of my remaining hair has turned grey.
I try to be positive, but it is hard sometimes. It could be a lot worse, I know. It is for some of my friends.
Depression is a state of defeat, apparently. Aptly so, for me. I have been out there, taking exercise, doing a job, trying to socialise, what everyone seems to say you should… I was still miserable a lot of the time, and it all went horribly wrong. At least I am comfortable most of the time here, but sometimes it feels empty. Then I look at the unopened post piling up or the mess of the fridge, and I wonder if it is worth even trying to live.